Leo & Being Alone
"Suicide is just a moment. This is how she described it to me. For just a moment, it doesn’t matter that you’ve got people who love you and the sun is shining and there’s a movie coming out this weekend that you’ve been dying to see. It hits you all of a sudden that nothing is ever going to be okay, ever, and you kind of dare yourself. You pick up a knife and press it gently to your skin, you look out a nineteenth-story window and you think, I could just do it. I could just do it. And most of the time, you look at the height and you get scared, or you think about the poor people on the sidewalk below - what if there are kids coming home from school and they have to spend the rest of their lives trying to forget this terrible thing you’re going to make them see? And the moment’s over. You think about how sad it would’ve been if you never got to see that movie, and you look at your dog and wonder who would’ve taken care of her if you had gone. And you go back to normal. But you keep it there in your mind. Even if you never take yourself up on it, it gives you a kind of comfort to know that the day is yours to choose. You tuck it away in your brain like sour candy tucked in your cheek, and the puckering memory it leaves behind, the rough pleasure of running your tongue over its strange terrain, is exactly the same. The day was hers to choose, and perhaps in that treetop moment when she looked down and saw the yard, the world, her life, spread out below her, perhaps she chose to plunge toward it headlong. Perhaps she saw before her a lifetime of walking on the ruined earth and chose instead a single moment in the air. "
"No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though.
I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough "
I discovered Coffitivity fairly recently and I thought I’d let you all know about it. Coffitivity emulates the experience of sitting in a coffee shop by providing three tracks (University Undertones, Lunchtime Lounge and Morning Murmur) to play while working. They suggest playing music slightly louder than the coffee shop sounds, but I’ve been using it on its own while writing blog posts and reading! Try it!
The World’s Most Beautiful Libraries
1. Trinity College Library, Ireland
2. Bibliotheque Nationale de France, France
3. The Library of El Escorial, Spain
4. Handelingenkamer, Netherlands
5. Abbey Library of St. Gallen, Switzerland
6. Admont Abbey Library, Austria
7. Melk Monastery Library, Austria
8. Strahov Monastery Library, Czech Republic
"Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for it. "
Leo and the inner you.
"I’m not gonna sit around and waste my precious divine energy trying to explain and be ashamed of things you think are wrong with me. "
"And in the end, we were all just humans… drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness. "
Disney quotes that teach us wonderful lessons!
I need to start following some of this advice.